“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” 1 John 3:18 NLT
I love what Katie Davis says, “Not that he apologizes for the hard and the hurt but that he enters in.” We can’t always fix it. We can’t always erase it. But we can show up and maybe ease it, even for just a bit. We can sit. We can cry. We can pray. We can enter in. This is love in action.
Lip speak…good ideas…to-do lists…plans…even our dreams. Without actions what are they worth? Not much really…
I confess, I am an idea generator. I love talking and planning and dreaming about “someday.” But lately something has been happening to my heart, it’s a desire to do something, an urgency for action. But at the same time my dreams, plans, and to-dos, these things that I talk about doing, have begun changing radically. And these words from David in Psalm 39 were like throwing gasoline on a fire.
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered – how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.”
Can I just tell you how many days I have felt like a shadow? Rushing around only to sit down at the end of the day and wonder what actually got accomplished? To be fair, dinner does need to be made, the laundry absolutely needs done, and as much as I would love to just live in a paper-plate-no-dishes-to-be-done-ever-again-house it isn’t a real expectation. Raising a family is a lot of work, and very important work too! But recently, my heart has begun to bear a new burden. The imprint of a new heartache has begun to take shape.
In March of this year I began praying in a different way. I began asking God what He wanted for me, or from me instead of consistently the other way around. This is a terrifying prayer when you realize that he has begun to move, that you heart is actually being changed. It’s a terrifying realization when you accept that you would be willing to walk away from your current life, answering the call of “not my will, but thine, be done.” Because these are not my dreams, these are God’s dreams for me. It’s when you look around and realize that there is so much that you haven’t seen before when viewed through the eyes of Jesus. It’s when you realize the discontentment you, your husband, and children have been fighting could be for a bigger purpose and you pray for their eyes to be opened to all that you are now seeing. You begin to pray that their hearts find rhythm with yours, a beat of love, because there is so much evil in the world, so much hurt, and you can’t save everyone but what if it’s just one? Even just one would be worth it. Andy Stanley said, “Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.”
Current conditions on the Greece-Macedonia border are cold and rainy. Due to the situation on Lesvos in Greece, Samaritan’s Purse predicts that approximately 20,000 refugees will attempt to cross the border in the next few days. Infants are wrapped in plastic bags to protect them from the rain. Clothing is inadequate even for current temperatures, much less dropping temperatures that will follow in the next few weeks. Soon it will not be possible for people to sleep outdoors as they will be at significant risk of hypothermia, particularly infants, young children, and the elderly. (Samaritan’s Purse Responding to Refugee Crisis in Europe, 9/10/15)
Children are being wrapped in plastic bags to be kept dry and warm while we debate which coat to wear. It’s so much easier to stick your head in the sand (I am great at this) and to pretend that if you don’t know it’s happening it isn’t. However, a lack of knowledge does not alter the reality of the situation. If you have the stomach and desire, Ann VosKamp shares her experiences from her trip to Iraq in this post from May, 2015. It broke my heart, sickened me, and has impacted me in ways I can’t even put into words. Basically, it has haunted me since I read it 4 months ago – consider yourself warned.
This is but a drop in the bucket and it’s not just “out in the world”, it’s in our cities, our neighborhoods, in our very own backyards.
“When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father.” (Ephesians 3:14) And I feel compelled by an urgency. I have to move beyond my good intentions to a life marked by action. I don’t want my busy rushing to end in nothing.
And all of a sudden this afternoon I found myself singing an old Garth Brooks song,
This heart still believes
That love and mercy still exist
While all the hatreds rage
And so many say
“That love is all but pointless,
In madness such as this
“It’s like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss”
And I hear them saying,
“You’ll never change things
And no matter what you do
It’s still the same thing”
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so, this world will know
That it will not change me
(The Change, Garth Brooks)
Let’s start more than a conversation, let’s start a movement. Shout to the world that you will not be changed, that you will not ignore the hurt, that Jesus through us, in love and mercy, will prevail. Find your passion, grab hold of it, and use it to make a difference, if only just in one life! It’s scary amazing what God can do with a willing body!
This was the prayer that Abide delivered to my phone this morning. It was amazingly appropriate…
Dear Jesus Christ,
I want to be a part of what you are doing in the world today. I believe you want to use me right now. I want to return to my first love, to you. I want to be your hands and feet this very second. Help me to believe and live by my convictions with every beat of my heart today. In your merciful name. Amen
Here I am. Send me.
Lord, this week, may the good things, even though they may be less in number, shine brighter in our lives than the frustrations and struggles that we find ourselves facing.
This was my prayer on Tuesday morning as I drove home after dropping the kids at school. My heart was heavy for my husband and kids, each with their plate full and feeling the burden of frustration as we launched headlong into another week. I didn’t think it was an outstanding prayer at the time, just an honest plea on their behalf. I didn’t realize how God would turn it into a lesson later in the week.
This morning the alarm greeted me and our puppy’s shrill barks beckoned me to rise and shine. Another day was waiting. Maybe you can relate to the way this morning wound itself out…
All I wanted to get my morning started was a cup of coffee but first I had to take care of The Puppy. Our Old English Sheepdog, Beezus, is just 10 weeks old and we are still adjusting to life with a puppy. (In hindsight we should have named her Sham-Wow, for we are finding out that with all of her “fluff” she soaks up the accidents she has in her crate overnight, looks awful and smells even worse. Needless to say, we found out over the weekend that she has a bladder infection so she can’t help it, and although she is getting better, this morning she was definitely in need of a bath before anything else got done. She’s lucky she’s so cute!)
Through teamwork, my husband and I got the bath and the coffee started. He finished puppy bathtime and I moved onto making breakfast and lunch and waking two sleepy teenagers. I could hear and smell the coffee brewing (we have a coffee station in the utility room) from the kitchen as I went about the morning routine. When I went to grab the pot and fill our two waiting cups I realized that coffee and grounds had found their way all over the utility room counter, floor, and everything that had been moved away from the utiltiy-sink-bathzone to the other side of the room into the unfortunate-coffee-overflow-zone. In my haste I hadn’t gotten the pot all the way under the basket and so we had a mess. I did triage and had about 3/4 of it cleaned up, rescuing the things that needed saved from the staining, soaking coffee before needing to move onto the next morning task.
Coffee Plan B. We would just use the Keurig to make our morning brew, one cup at a time. My husband took this task over while we two-stepped around the kitchen, each trying to stay out of the other’s way. He brewed the first cup, added the cream, and the coffee curdled. Apparently, the vinegar that I had used to flush the Keurig yesterday hadn’t gotten rinsed thoroughly out. (I thought I was being on top of things…clean the Keurig – check. Ruin the next cup of coffee – check.) I was past wanting coffee at this point to needing coffee.
Coffee Plan C. As I moved to the gathering of the sports items part of the morning (game uniforms, football apparel, and pre-game snacks) my husband moved back to the coffee pot, cleaned the rest of the mess up and made a new fresh pot, ensuring it would drain properly this time. God love that man!
As my family headed out the door, I sat down with my much delayed first cup of coffee (ahhhh…) and I remembered my prayer from Tuesday morning and thought, yep there’s the frustration I was praying about. Then God prodded my memory to each of my family members and the little shiny pieces of good that each of them had shared with me already this week. Each courtesy of God moving in their lives.
Phil – coming back from his second trip to the West Coast in 10 days. (He has spent more time there than at home lately and was coming off of his worst trip ever.) This was the text I got as he boarded his plane to come home. “One empty seat on this flight, and it’s next to me in the exit row. Sometimes Lady Luck smiles on me.”
Ty – Tuesday’s forecast was 90 with bright sun and plenty of humidity. This means football practice is especially awful and Ty was dreading it. When I picked him up afterwards this is what he had to say. “It wasn’t that bad. It was an answer to prayer actually. Literally, an answer to prayer. I prayed that we would be able to practice in shorts instead of our pants and we did. I prayed that we would get a pass on Lombardi’s (these are just strait torture) and we did. I even got some breaks on scout team.”
Mae – my steady as she goes trooper. There isn’t much that throws her. She is my still waters run deep kid and every now and then I get a peek into what is going on in her brilliant, creative mind. On Tuesday night she had to write a magazine article on prayer that she had me proofread. These are her words. “Why should you pray? You should pray because you grow in knowing God. You shouldn’t pray just because you need something, you should pray to thank God and praise him for being awesome.”
Shiny pieces of good, outshining the struggle, even if they are tiny and in the minority.
Answered prayer, mine and theirs.
And I read these words from Isaiah…
“I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth the road ahead of them. Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them.” (Isaiah 42:16)
God’s promise for my family and for me. As I sat with my coffee I was reminded of all of these things and couldn’t help praising God for being awesome.
What’s your shiny good this week?
This week, some of us experienced our first teary-Kindergarten-first-day (maybe their tears, maybe yours.) Some of us experienced Senior-year-last-first day and then there are a whole bunch of us that fall somewhere in between or outside of those back-to-school lines. But, we all survived the first week! Ok, so I will concede that while our actual survival was never in question the upheaval of a sudden schedule to conform to after 3 months of “free-styling it” can be a little rough on even the best of us.
Back to school is always a transition, and the calendar can become a to-do list nightmare, not to mention the very real reminder of the passing of time. Navigating these waters can be tricky and today I want to offer some encouragement from Mary Ann Morgan.
When we moved to our little farm 15 years ago, I was a busy homeschool mom with three children under my wings.
My life was wonderfully hectic. Katie was twelve, Annie was ten, and Johnny was seven. I was happy as the nucleus of our home, with life swirling round and round about me.
Then, one by one, my birdies did what I had been teaching them to do all along.
They flew away.
I felt lost, and not just a little. I could not find my bearings.
I was trying to find my place in this world again.
When we see calendars not so much as rows of boxes of things we have to do — but as boxes that we get to unwrap — the present moment always becomes a gift.
The idea that I could continually unwrap gifts (that otherwise felt fleeting) just by writing them down and giving thanks for them was transformational for me.
I am grateful for:
glistening water from the garden hose,
summer lights hanging dreamily from a tree,
blue porches and red swings, ripe tomatoes on the sill, children snuggling chickens,
a butterfly warming her wings among Black-Eyed Susans,
fuzzy bumble bees satiated and sleepy,
summer puddles where heaven meets earth.And on and on it goes.
I could feel my heart shifting from a sense of emptiness into a deep gratitude. The places I felt were barren were actually brimming with life.
It didn’t come overnight, but it did come with practice and the more I practiced the more I benefited.
I sometimes find myself held captive by grief and anxiety as I navigate the waters of these awkward transitions. Counting graces always helps me to find my way home into worship. Once I can get onto the path of worship, my feet will carry me into the arms of God
I may not always know my place in this world. Things are ever changing.
But in counting gifts I can always find my place in God.
In His heart.
He alone holds me as He continues to enfold me in His love.
Enjoy your weekend! May your heart be filled with gratitude and the beauty in the everyday gifts as we roll on into this next school year. May you find yourself enfolded in His love.
I want to remember today. I want to pluck this ordinary morning memory of trying to rouse sleepy kids, of packing lunches and searching for missing shoes and belts, and breakfasts grabbed on the go and just put it away for later. I want to remember the promised prayers for what their day held, for the anxieties that worry their hearts. I want to remember the way they looked on their way to the bus with their backpacks and lunchboxes and sports bags because this is what makes up life. Day after day, like building blocks, moment after moment of the ordinary that creates a life. That’s what I want to remember. I want to be able to tuck these ordinary moments away in my pocket to be pulled out on a day when the everyday doesn’t look like this anymore. I want this for me…
I have recently found myself struggling to remember the days when these big kids were babies, trying to remember how we filled our then seemingly endless hours. How many times we would laugh at something they said or did and say, “We should write that down” but never did and the moment passed leaving us with vague recollections of everyday moments.
How many prayers have we seen answered, the big and the small? How many times has God shown up, in the chaos, in the crisis, in the mundane, in the everyday? It’s not the numbers that are important, it’s just remembering the reality of the realness in it on the days when we feel alone and find it so hard to believe, for us, for our children, for our families.
As I see how fast my babies have grown my heart becomes full and overwhelmed and I want them to know their stories from their mother’s heart. But more than that, I want them to know the prayers I have prayed. I want them to see and remember, on the days when jaded adult views cloud their vision, that God has proven himself over and over to them as a very real and loving Father. I want this for my kids…
And this suddenly got real for me, real like a sucker punch to the gut, as I read these words from Elisa Pulliam, “Although I have journals scribbled full with pleas and petitions to the Lord, there aren’t enough of those pages filled up with prayers for my children. I think I’ve pushed praying for my children aside because their needs feel so easily met by me at the moment. In light of other circumstances we’ve faced, like family tensions, life-changing decisions, and health crises too many to count, my children are doing just fine. Fine is fine. But for how long? Their lives will only get more “un-fine” as they grow up which is why they need their momma praying for them on purpose…now.”
“So, as I turn to face the next decade of being a mother, I want to invest my time in bringing more than passing pleas to the Lord I want to pause long enough to reflect on their needs and pray for them the way I’d want to be prayed for by others. I want to give to the Lord what I see in their personalities that need His touch. I want to talk to God about the struggles they face and the fears they feel. I want to hand over to their Maker my concerns about their relationships. I want to yield to the Lord His plans for their lives and get out of the way of the story He is writing.”
Today, I begin. I begin praying with a purpose and recording their stories. Today, I am going to stop beating myself up for not starting earlier and while I don’t know exactly what the end product is going to look like I am not going to get caught up in that. I am just going to look to right now, to the things that I am thankful for, prayerful over, or laugh about and I am going to share my heart with them for a day when they will need to remember. And I am going to do this, one step at a time.
Maybe you will be compelled to join me, for a child, for a friend, or maybe you need to begin to see more of God in your everyday just for you. Maybe you need to become more purposeful in prayer and in building your relationship with God. Let’s do this together! Make today your day.
to back to school!
This is a campaign that I feel like starting this year. I want to JUST SAY NO! No, you can’t have my kids back yet. No, we are not going to be doing homework while the sun shines outside. No, I am sorry, we just aren’t ready to check back into reality yet. I need to have them for just a little bit longer. Summer isn’t over yet, in fact, the weather is just now starting to feel like it’s arrived. The fun hasn’t all been had!
The back-to-school grumblings have been voiced by us all but the only tears this year have been mine. Another season of change lies ahead and the pieces of my babies that belonged to me becomes less and less every year and the letting go is so hard.
Can someone please tell me when this happened? A whole decade has passed since our first, 1st day of school.
Change…this is where our journey is going to begin and I would love to have you join me. This has been building in my heart over the last couple of weeks, “Project Choice” with ideas like Thankful Boxes and Everyday Letters. It’s about trying to find your place again if you’ve lost your bearings. It’s about sharing, and remembering, everyday life. It’s about searching for something bigger than just comfortable.
But for this morning, before I clean up from our disjointed, first-day-back-trying-to-get-out-the-door-on-time-mess, I am going to take a moment and linger over these pictures and first day memories for a little bit. Mamas, it happens so fast, so just hold on.
And, because this is one of my favorites, every word of it ringing true in my heart…grab a tissue (or the whole box)
Summer Bucket List: Watch The Sun Rise
If I haven’t crossed this off my seasonal list by now (and chances are I haven’t because, hello, it’s summer!) I can always count on football two-a-days to take care of it for me. This morning, as I was driving home with the night sky in my rear view mirror and the sun peeking up ahead of me I was reminded of something that I wrote last summer just about the same time. It’s core message has come to mind many times since.
It’s not Thursday but we’re still throwin’ it back. Hopefully, the message will stick with you as well.
You’ll Thank Yourself In The Morning
originally published 8/14/14
Yesterday was a good day. I woke up singing the praises of the hours between 6-8 (yes, AM!) because of how productive they have been over the last two weeks. Football two-a-days have had us rising at 5 am and on the road by 5:30 (my dear husband has been out of town for 7 of the 9 days leaving me the sole taxi driver.) But, they have also brought with them these magical hours of productivity. (However, don’t ask me to be anything other than semi-comatose after 9 pm.) Yesterday felt like a gift. We had the opportunity to spend the afternoon surrounded by family at a double header between the Cleveland Indians and the Arizona Diamondbacks at Progressive Field in Cleveland. We had “sweet” suite seats, the weather was custom-made for baseball, and we got to cheer on our neighbor in his first ever MLB start as a pitcher. He has such a feel-good story that we even got our “suite” neighbors on the Andrew Chafin bandwagon, cheering for the away team at a home game! At some point deep in the 3rd inning of the 1st game my 11 year old daughter looked at me and said, “When is the game going to start?” Oh dear child, we obviously have a lot to learn about baseball. I am not sure what she thought had been going on but we all shared a good laugh. One of many for the afternoon. This was our quintessential American summer day. However, with all of the poster-making, jumbo-tron dancing, hot dog eating excitement of yesterday afternoon, it wasn’t until we were on our way home (at 10:30 pm) that I realized I still had two pair of football pants that needed to be washed (spray the Shout, scrub the stains, wash, rinse, repeat if necessary) and more importantly dry by the wee hours of the morning. Fun has a price. So, while I waited on the washing machine to do it’s thing, I thought, “You should pack Ty’s lunch. You will thank yourself in the morning when all you have to do is roll out of bed, grab a coffee, and head out the door.” I also searched out socks (why does this always seem to be the one missing item?) and had his football bag otherwise packed and ready to go because I knew neither of us would be functional this morning. And I was right. And I did thank myself. On my drive back home from the football field this morning, as the coffee began to work and my brain began to wake up I had a thought. I remembered something I had heard a very long time ago and thought it was a great reminder for all of us.
You have to live ready.
Tomorrow may be a good day or tomorrow may be a nightmare. Will you be ready? Is your faith something you are building and strengthening everyday? Is your relationship with Jesus something you are nurturing? Or, are these just things that get dusted off, possibly on Sunday, and otherwise left alone only to be unpacked In Case Of Emergency. Are you waiting for “tomorrow” to explore this Jesus-thing a little bit deeper? If this is where you find yourself, please, wake up!
When the alarm goes off at 5am after too few hours of sleep, is your bag packed? Do you have clean matching socks and a lunch or are you scrambling to pull it together? We have to live ready because we don’t know when the crisis alarm is going to go off. We don’t get a notification in the mail that says, next month you will be diagnosed with a life-altering disease, please plan accordingly. We don’t receive a call that says, please make sure you have appropriate clothing you will be attending a funeral next week. (Maybe yours? I am sorry. That is harsh but it is also reality.) Ready or not, here it comes, with no warning.
We have to live ready! We need to use and strengthen our “faith muscles” every day because if we wait until crisis strikes they will be sluggish and sleepy when we need them most. We will have to dust our faith off and hope that we remember how to work it. It is so very easy to let our faith and relationship with Jesus rest in hibernation, only to be awakened in crisis.
This is a slippery slope, and I know because I have been there. I grew up in a solid Christian home, was involved in church. We were bringing our children up to love and fear the Lord. I thought I got it. Then God let me really have it! Oh, foolish proud heart. I have realized that I had nothing without Him. I am nothing without Him.
The problem with crisis is that we don’t know when the alarm is going to go off. When crisis strikes, your brain tends to go into default mode. So what is your default? You want live ready? Nurture your relationship with God. If you don’t have one, start one! If you don’t know how, ask me, I would love to help you figure this out. Dig into His Word for nourishment, spend time in prayer, communicating with our Father. Listen for His voice instead of just talking at Him. I don’t have all the answers. There is not an Easy 5 Step Plan For Readiness but we can stumble and bumble through this together. There are some things you will never be ready for but with faith you can survive them with hope for a better day ahead. The point is, don’t wait.
I can remember playing Parcheesi with my son and mom, 6 years ago at least. In the spirit of competition there was a little smack-talk going on and my son looked at my mom and told her, “Pack your bags your going home!” This my friends, is great advice, pack your bags. Live ready. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.
This summer I don’t feel like my brain has ventured far from the shallow-end of the pool – it was a much needed break! But, August is approaching – quickly – and no matter how hard we try we will never outrun it.
Every year, one of the many things that August brings with it is a spark of anticipation (bittersweet though it may be) of a return to “normal life.” My brain, now well rested, is beginning to buzz with thoughts and ideas and fall projects. (I love a new project.) I am excited to get back here, to share life and lessons, and hopefully some laughs along the way. I hope you will join me on an adventure this fall…it may even require some new school supplies just for you! (Who doesn’t love a new notebook and colored pens?!) Stay tuned for details but in the meantime..
Life is passing rapidly. Fiercely commit to every moment you find beautiful and remember it. Record it. Fully, whole-heartedly inhabit it. Awareness is one of the greatest things you can possess in this life as it is as important as the very air we breathe and water we drink to stay alive.” ~ Victoria Erickson
…Squeeze every last bit you can out of your summer!
See you in August!
Last Friday night found me driving with a car of sleeping kids, caravaning north for a short weekend away. It has been longer than I can remember since I have been putting midnight highway miles behind me. As Friday melted into Saturday I was taking a trip down memory lane. Without anyone to protest my choice of music I had chosen John Denver in a moment of nostalgia. The very music my dad would listen to as we headed away on summer adventures. The very music I would have been squawking about having to listen to from the backseat once upon a time. But it just seemed right and I could still sing every word and with those words and midnight miles, and I am sure sleep deprived delirium, there was a storm of crashing emotions.
The days they pass so quickly now
Nights are seldom long…
The changes somehow frighten me
Still I have to smile…
For though my life’s been good to me
There’s still so much to do
So many things my mind has never known*
This summer is flying by in a blur of sports and laundry, camps and mowing, and stolen weekends away like the one we were headed on. And the changes? They are numerous, but the most recent is that we have a new driver in our house. Parents who have been through this, why didn’t you warn those of us journeying behind you that the view from the passenger seat with a teenager driving is such a terrifying thing?!
This very weekend we were traveling with our kids friends in tow, leaving my husband and I staring at each other, saying, “Now what?” It’s just us, left in the dust on the sidewalk, as the kids walk on ahead, laughing and tumbling all over each other. We headed to the lake without the mountain of sand toys and shady pop-up beach tents. (They still made fun of me for all the bags I had packed although no one was complaining when they were eating the food!) We haven’t had a vacation like this ever and it’s beautiful and heart-wrenching at the same time.
We are also quickly hurtling towards a school year where elementary school is in the rear view mirror and we have begun discussions of what to do after high school. The “what I want to be when I grow up” talk. ARGH! But now it’s for real, not dreamy astronaut wishes and I think this talk may be one of the worst.
But there is still so much to do. There is so much I want to be sure they know and bury in their hearts. We are working so hard to pass on the legacy of faith and family that was gifted to us. And that’s why, as I listen to John Denver, I just pray that what we’re teaching is sticking. That although they may not always appear to be listening or watching or liking it, I pray that they are getting it.
I just want to gather my kids and all of their friends and keep them here for just a little bit longer. I want to press pause on summer and spend more late nights laughing with them. I want more afternoons on the lake without schedules to stick to. I want more evenings of grabbing ice cream and walking behind them on the sidewalk. I have read the articles about raising kids and letting them go and they make me cry. I have read the lists of things you should do and shouldn’t do, the debates on the best practices for discipline and they are all valid, all important. I am not an expert (or even close as I confessed in “My kids are doing a really good job of raising themselves.”) and I am not going to impart advice other than to say, just love them. Listen to them, share life with them and pray that in doing so one day they will look back knowing that it’s the little things that helped shape them into the people that they have become.
I continued to drive and ponder the words of John Denver, thinking about my parents and my grandparents, thankful for all that they gave and taught, for their influence and the gift of memories, in this place of the past and the future crashing around in my head…
And talk of poems and prayers and promises
And things that we believe in
How sweet it is to love someone
How right it is to care
How long it’s been since yesterday
What about tomorrow
What about our dreams
And all the memories we share…*
Here’s to enjoying what’s left of summer, dreaming of the future and taking some time to remember!
*Poems, Prayers, and Promises, John Denver
A great reminder on this Monday morning…
“The fact is, if we don’t surrender to Jesus we’ll surrender to something else – to chaos or confusion, to the opinions of others, or to habits that we can’t control. We will surrender to something or someone.” Jack Graham
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. (Romans 12:1 NLT)
Run and Be Still 