Today I allow myself to stop doing, running, and chasing. The world can continue on without me for today. I will be back tomorrow. Today I allow myself to check out, to unplug, to disconnect. Today I allow myself to dream, to travel just a bit down the road of what if. Today I collect one more year, one more uncelebrated birthday.  Today is a day of remembrance, but there are no memories to hold onto.  Today there are no photo albums to pour through.  Today there are no firsts to cheer on.  Today is only a whisper of what could have been, a mother’s dreams for her unborn child.  Today marks 12 years since I last held my son.

Today, and everyday I have left on this earth, I will continue to encourage you, to implore you, to seek God in your pain.  He is the true healer, the breath of hope, the peace for a tormented soul, the very life-giving force that allows me to survive and continue on past today and all of the “todays” of years past.  Through death and disease, He is my joy.  Without Jesus’ love for me and the promises that He makes me for today and eternity, I would be a bitter, miserable person.

Not everyday is good.  I am human, my heart has been broken, over and over again.  Tears flood my eyes, pain floods my soul.  I am not immune to life, that isn’t what Christianity is all about.  It isn’t a protection from struggle and trial.  It isn’t about plastering on a fake smile and pretending that everything is ok. It isn’t about religion or rules.  It is about having a relationship with the Creator, leaning into the Comforter, allowing your Father to take your hand and rescue you from today, tomorrow, and even yesterday.  It’s about resting in a faith that says this isn’t it.  This broken, sorrow-filled world is not where this story ends.   You may call me delusional, you may think my beliefs are faulty, but no matter what you think, you cannot take from me the very real peace, assurance, and joy that I am able to live everyday with in spite of anything life throws at me.  And Christ is the very foundation of those things. The hope, joy, peace, and strength you see in me are there only because God has provided them.  Particularly on days like today.

With that, I want to share this song by Tenth Avenue North.  Music speaks to my soul unlike anything else has ever been able to and their song, “Worn” is so powerful and beautifully written.  Please take a moment to watch/listen to it.

Today, if you are tired of living “worn” my prayer is that you will ask God to flood your eyes so that you can see redemption, ask that He would flood your soul so you can know His rest.  Take that first step towards a relationship with him.  If you have questions, please contact me.  I would love nothing more than to share this gift with you.  Especially today…