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Run and Be Still

Poems, Prayers, and Promises

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kidsLast Friday night found me driving with a car of sleeping kids, caravaning north for a short weekend away.  It has been longer than I can remember since I have been putting midnight highway miles behind me. As Friday melted into Saturday I was taking a trip down memory lane.  Without anyone to protest my choice of music I had chosen John Denver in a moment of nostalgia.  The very music my dad would listen to as we headed away on summer adventures.  The very music I would have been squawking about having to listen to from the backseat once upon a time.  But it just seemed right and I could still sing every word and with those words and midnight miles, and I am sure sleep deprived delirium, there was a storm of crashing emotions.

The days they pass so quickly now
Nights are seldom long…
The changes somehow frighten me
Still I have to smile…
For though my life’s been good to me
There’s still so much to do
So many things my mind has never known*

This summer is flying by in a blur of sports and laundry, camps and mowing, and stolen weekends away like the one we were headed on. And the changes? They are numerous, but the most recent is that we have a new driver in our house.  Parents who have been through this, why didn’t you warn those of us journeying behind you that the view from the passenger seat with a teenager driving is such a terrifying thing?!

This very weekend we were traveling with our kids friends in tow, leaving my husband and I staring at each other, saying, “Now what?” It’s just us, left in the dust on the sidewalk, as the kids walk on ahead, laughing and tumbling all over each other. We headed to the lake without the mountain of sand toys and shady pop-up beach tents. (They still made fun of me for all the bags I had packed although no one was complaining when they were eating the food!)   We haven’t had a vacation like this ever and it’s beautiful and heart-wrenching at the same time.

We are also quickly hurtling towards a school year where elementary school is in the rear view mirror and we have begun discussions of what to do after high school.  The “what I want to be when I grow up” talk.  ARGH! But now it’s for real, not dreamy astronaut wishes and I think this talk may be one of the worst.

But there is still so much to do.  There is so much I want to be sure they know and bury in their hearts.  We are working so hard to pass on the legacy of faith and family that was gifted to us.  And that’s why, as I listen to John Denver, I just pray that what we’re teaching is sticking.  That although they may not always appear to be listening or watching or liking it, I pray that they are getting it.

I just want to gather my kids and all of their friends and keep them here for just a little bit longer.  I want to press pause on summer and spend more late nights laughing with them.  I want more afternoons on the lake without schedules to stick to.  I want more evenings of grabbing ice cream and walking behind them on the sidewalk. I have read the articles about raising kids and letting them go and they make me cry.  I have read the lists of things you should do and shouldn’t do, the debates on the best practices for discipline and they are all valid, all important.  I am not an expert (or even close as I confessed in “My kids are doing a really good job of raising themselves.”) and I am not going to impart advice other than to say, just love them.  Listen to them, share life with them and pray that in doing so one day they will look back knowing that it’s the little things that helped shape them into the people that they have become.

I continued to drive and ponder the words of John Denver, thinking about my parents and my grandparents, thankful for all that they gave and taught, for their influence and the gift of memories, in this place of the past and the future crashing around in my head…

And talk of poems and prayers and promises
And things that we believe in
How sweet it is to love someone
How right it is to care
How long it’s been since yesterday
What about tomorrow
What about our dreams
And all the memories we share…*

Here’s to enjoying what’s left of summer, dreaming of the future and taking some time to remember!

*Poems, Prayers, and Promises, John Denver

Still Moments

Still Moments – Surrendering to Something 

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  A great reminder on this Monday morning…

“The fact is, if we don’t surrender to Jesus we’ll surrender to something else – to chaos or confusion, to the opinions of others, or to habits that we can’t control. We will surrender to something or someone.” Jack Graham 

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. (Romans 12:1 NLT)

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Welcome To The Terrible Twos

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Run and Be Still is officially two years old. Break out the party hats, cake, and ice cream. (Any reason is a good reason to celebrate with sweets, right?)

I have this thing with old pictures…I love them. I love the stories they represent, the old memories they hold within them. I can get lost in them, laughing and crying and remembering.  

I spent a period of my life scrapbooking, putting together these beautiful pages of memories when my kids were little. They are now 15 and 12…the scrapbooks stop at about ages 3 and 6. I always meant to get back to them but life happens and time passes. (And any fellow scrapbookers out there know how time consuming and messy this process can be.) But I absolutely treasure the ones that I do have. These books represent our past, they tell our story as a family and individually. Our triumphs and struggles. The faces in the books that are no longer with us, existing and living on only in our memories. 

And then, the past has this inexplicable way of making us look to the future. Wondering how the babies that we just held are about to be taking to the road on their own. Gasping at having blown through our elementary years and wondering what the house is going to be like when it’s quiet. 

Today I got lost in Run and Be Still’s memories for awhile. This is our history, something that you have been a part of in a very real way. The idea that just by coming together in writing and reading, responding and sharing, we have this connection…we are affecting and shaping each other’s days. 

This past year we’ve had squawking chickens and floods. We continued to celebrate our answered prayers in the miracle of Hannah. We’ve recently tried to answer tough questions like “Is Jesus alone enough?” I gave away some books and we laughed along with Sarah. In October I was blown away by your response to my post Standing With The Trees. Last summer we decided on not taking ourselves too seriously, and I made a public apology for the weeds growing in my flower beds.  

Overall we have shared 209 posts, had 7533 different visitors with over 40 countries represented! We are sharing life and God and struggle and celebration. We have a history, and there is a big and unknown future for us. 

I don’t know where the next year will find us but hopefully our little RABS (Run and Be Still)  family will be a little bit bigger, our embrace reaching a little bit further. 

Dear Me,

Today you need this reminder. 

On days like today as I look back I have realized we don’t always see the mountains moving in front of us, sometimes it’s a slow process and it’s only as we look in the rearview mirror that we are able to appreciate how far they have moved and how far we have come. I find myself continually amazed at God’s goodness and provision, in sickness, fear, and grief for certain, but also on the good days. He is right in our midst, everyday, if we open our eyes and ears, and soften our hearts to His presence.

How much more could God do with us if by His grace He can move mountains with mustard seed faith and He causes great oak trees to spring forth from tiny acorns? This next year, I pledge to stop wondering “What if?” (And all the other questions I ask myself like “Is anyone listening?” “Does anyone care?” “Am I making a difference?”) and induce my faith, let God take the reins, and continue listening, sharing, and putting one foot in front of the other even when I am weary and it doesn’t make sense. Then I can rest confident in that fact that if I reach one or one hundred thousand it has been exactly God’s plan. I love what Mother Theresa says, “God has not called me to be successful. He called me to be faithful.”
~Happy Birthday Run and Be Still, 5/29/14

Encouragement

Is Jesus alone enough?

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I am working my way through Alan Stadtmiller’s book, Praying For Your Elephants for the second time because of excerpts like the one above. Challenging, with substance and biblical backing and deeper than the fluff and “sound bites” that so many of today’s Christian books fall back on, this book has nailed my heart with conviction time and again.

Stadtmiller goes on to say, “Let me ask you a tougher question. It’s a question that makes people put down books that don’t make them feel good, but it is a question that must be asked. Is Jesus alone enough for you?”

I know my “church answer” to these questions but let’s be real and honest because this struggle is real and “church answers” aren’t always our heart truth. This is the place of scary-change-me-God prayers. The place of self-dream sacrifice so that we might live the life we were meant to not the life we’ve planned. So my answer is, I want Him to be. I want to be able to answer in heartfelt honesty -YES!!!

I challenge you today to sit with these questions for awhile. Spend some time just soaking in them.

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭10-13‬ NLT)

Still Moments

Still Moments – Come As You Are

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This Sunday the invitation is a simple one – come as you are. Wherever you are, in whatever condition you may find yourself. Let rescue begin…this is why it’s to Him I run.

Come out of sadness
From wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal

So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are
(Crowder, Come As You Are)

Encouragement

Walking On Water Or Drowning In It

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  Eight weeks ago two things happened. I ran for the first time in 8 months (and not again since!) and the next day our basement flooded. Three inches of water covered our basement from wall to wall after a spring melt combined with a sump pump failure.  We were literally walking on water, watching the carpet (finally laid and finished in November) wave and ripple under our feet in response to our footsteps. Since then we have been hit with wave after wave of frustration, fear, and heartache. I have at times felt like I no sooner get to grab a breath before being broadsided by another wave that leaves me sputtering. 

Unexpected car repairs and unfortunate speeding tickets in the wake of the basement flood. Walking with family members through unexpected deaths, broken hips and surgeries, cancer scares snd mysterious illnesses, countless doctors appointments, another minor basement flood when we were hundreds of miles from home, job stresses, kid worries…crashing waves…sputtering breaths. 

This is what life looks like sometimes. There are days and weeks sometimes when it’s difficult to tell if you are walking on the water or just simply drowning in it. 

I think of Peter and the storm that he and the disciples were in the midst of when he got out of the boat to walk towards Jesus on the water. I am sure he was being pounded by the waves-it was storming! This, the waves and the wind were eventually what caused him to take his eyes off of Jesus and to sink.  

It’s where your eyes are focused as the waters pound you that makes all the difference between the walking and the drowning. It’s not the waves themselves. It’s an internal peace running parallel with the turmoil and strife that buoys your spirit.  Satan would love nothing more than to pull our eyes off of Christ in the midst of struggles. Satan is the founder of frustration and distraction. 

There have been many times over the last weeks when I have been worn down-by frustration, by fear, by the exhaustion of treading water. But I keep coming back to the morning after the flood and a promise that God has made.  We were exhausted and still facing a mountain of ruined, sopping wet carpet and padding and accumulated basement stuff that had to be hauled up and out and I had this one thought-God works all things-even basement floods-for good.  I don’t know what the good is going to look like in any of the pounding waves that we will face.

It’s been eight weeks…and while the waters have begun to calm I am still waiting on the good from the flood. I am looking for the rainbow and the olive branch. In the meantime we’ve been living like hoarders with all of the basement stuff packed into the dining room and music rooms, paths running through each room, and a towering pile of it in my garage.  Here is the bottom line, I do know that this is more about the process than the product. This is about the refining of gold, the structuring of faith. This is about the building of trust when nothing makes sense and everyday seems like a fight.  

God uses it all…even flooded basements. 

(And to all of my email recipients, He even uses the random deleted text that shows back up when you publish it!)

Easter

Dead Man Walking- One Year Later

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So many things can change in a year, and somehow the struggle, while wearing a different mask, can still be rooted in the same place.  With Easter looming around the corner I needed this encouragement, this reminder. 

“Christ says ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You.'” Why is ME so hard to give up?

Originally posted 3/13/14 – Just checking in today to see how everyone who decided to take the “Journey to the Cross” is faring now that we are one week in. As I have been studying and praying and listening I have come to a realization. God has been at work on me peeling away my layers of “yes, buts” and showing me that in this season of sacrifice, while chocolate was a nice thing to give up, unless it draws me closer to Him it’s just stuff. The sacrifice that I have been more and more convicted to lay over is that of self.

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Deny thyself. It was at the heart of the very first post of our Lent journey.

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. (Matthew 10:39 NLT)

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity. Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me. “Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But this is the very reason I came! (John 12:24-27 NLT, emphasis mine)

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:1, 2 NLT, emphasis mine)

Lead me to the cross
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You.

A.W. Tozer said, “among the plastic saints of our times, Jesus has to do all the dying, and all we want to hear is another sermon about his dying.”

Here are C.S. Lewis’ thoughts on this subject from Counting The Cost.

The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self–all your wishes and precautions–to Christ.

Christ says ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don’t want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked–the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: My own will shall become yours.’…

The goal toward which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal. That is what you are in for. And it is very important to realize that. If we do not, then we are very likely to start pulling back and resisting Him after a certain point. I think that many of us, when Christ has enabled us to overcome one or two sins that were an obvious nuisance, are inclined to feel (though we do not put it into words) that we are now good enough. He has done all we wanted Him to do. And we should be obliged if He would now leave us alone.

But this is the fatal mistake… The question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us….

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you know that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of–throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself!

“Yes, but” cottages are cute and chocolate is so much easier…

How are you doing?

Still Moments

Still Moments – Get Personal

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Here is a truth. Jesus did not die on a cross so that he could continue to speak to you primarily through some other person, movie, or book. Christ came and suffered to be known intimately by you and to open up the the lines of communication blocked by the fall of mankind. He came that He might speak mightily and directly to you. Scripture is clear when it says “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) It does not say that we are to approach the throne standing behind a human mediator. ~Adam Stadtmiller 

Sometimes the writer needs to become the reader…and that’s exactly where I have found myself in recent days. This passage spoke so loudly and resonated so clearly in my cluttered mind. It’s reminder, profound in it’s simplicity. It’s message, intimate in it’s invitation.

Christ came and suffered to be known deeply by you. The throne God sits on is a throne of grace that will offer you what you need and allow you to receive mercy and find grace. 

If you have been running, maybe it’s time to just be still. Clear out the clutter and the noise, the self-help would-have, should-have banter, and get back to the basics.

Run and Be Still

From my heart to yours….

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You know how sometimes, out of the clear blue, you get hit with life…memories…caught, unprepared and vulnerable. Yeah, me too.  As I was sitting, watching a stupid tv show and crying my eyes out, I was reminded of how much a heart can hurt.  I was reminded how hopeless days can seem.  I was reminded of my story, and why I shared it in the first place.  So, if reality has snuck up on you, and you find yourself with a broken and hurting heart, let me share a little love with you today.  My prayer is that God would speak to you though my story and begin to heal your wounded heart.

I have a stack of e-book codes for my book, Run and Be Still, from WestBow Press that have been sitting on my desk for a year.  Today, they are yours.  So, if you, or someone you know and care about, needs a little bit of love this Valentine’s Day, email me or use the contact form, and as long as I have codes to give, they are yours.

My Valentine’s Day gift to you, no strings attached.  I only ask that you read it…and let God do the rest.

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Encouragement

Laughing Along With Sarah

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plansChickens are really noisy but I think I might prefer the noise to the silence. (Read my last post, A Tangled Mess and Chicken Thoughts to understand what I mean.) The tangles are working their way out though.  However, each provides questions for which I have no answers. Do you have a list of questions that you don’t have answers to? Are you left wondering how God is going to work out the impossible promises He has made for you?  Is God pulling you out of your comfort zone into the faith-filled unknown?  Let’s see…yes, yes, yes.  God does some of His most profound work in the silence when we don’t have all of the answers.  It’s where we, or better yet He, is really able to get to the heart of the matter…for me, I am finding, it’s a matter of the heart.  And sometimes the heart just doesn’t understand…

It’s appropriate I suppose that Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’m digging into matters of the heart. Coincidence, timing, societal influences, who really knows? What I do know is that everywhere you turn there is talk about love and my intention is not that this turn into some God-loves-you-Valentine’s-Day-post. If you’re struggling with the question of God loving you this is not the post for you.  Please read Love Is In The Air.

I get that God loves me. I know this and I rely on this daily. That box has been checked. But my heart is crying out right now and what it’s crying out for is the need for a plan (says my type A personality.) There is no problem that can’t be solved with prayer, a good plan, and a checklist. (Again, my type A personality). Right now I have no plan and the only item on my check list is Pray. Not a bad list but the song that comes to mind is, “A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action.” (Possibly not an appropriate song choice in this instance but please forgive my chicken-pecked thought process.)

Sometimes faith is doing.  Sometimes faith is sitting still and answering questions honestly with “I don’t know.”  For me, the second is (obviously) the harder of the two. What I do know is that I am not in control, no matter how many times I try spin it some other way. God has never asked my advice or opinion, although I have given it freely at times. He doesn’t need me to tweak His plan.  What I am being reminded of, learning on a whole new level,  is that when God draws you out in faith, you don’t always get to see the full blueprint of the plan. Most often you don’t see the full picture, that’s why faith is, well, faith. It calls us to stand fast on God, not the circumstances we find ourselves in. This is living in freedom, although my heart doesn’t always see it that way.

I would love to tell you that I am living bravely in the Matthew 6 promises and not worrying about a thing. The reality is while I am living in them, it looks more like a panicked clinging to them while constantly wondering how. In these days I find my  heart easily aligned with Sarah in a story from Genesis 18.  Maybe you can also relate…

God had promised Abraham and Sarah a son. But try as they may it wasn’t happening in a timely fashion, so they helped the plan along a little bit.  Instead of Sarah and Abraham having a son, Sarah’s plan became to have a son through her servant Hagar. She convinced Abraham of this and a short time later Abraham and Hagar indeed had a son, Ishmael.  Then, having taken the plan into her own hands instead of leaving the heavy lifting to God, Sarah becomes jealous and things get a little messy (Doesn’t this usually happen when we try to go it alone and make something happen? Things just don’t work out the way they should.) Sarah forces Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away. But we serve a God who is full of mercy and grace and second-chances for allowing us the opportunity to get His plans right.  Despite their own failed attempts at growing their family and fulfilling His promise in a round about way, God reiterates his promise to give Abraham and Sarah a son. This time he gives them an indication that it will happen within the year.  Sarah, who is now very old, is eavesdropping on this conversation between Abraham and three heavenly visitors.  (Unfortunately although I could pretend otherwise, I totally get Sarah’s response to this reiterated promise.)  Sarah laughs.  Here she is, hiding behind the tent flap and she overhears this bit of news and she laughs to herself, thinking of all the reasons that it is impossible for she and Abraham to have a son. Sarah doubts God in the reality of her world. But it gets better. The Lord calls her on the carpet asking, “Why did you laugh? Why are you questioning my power? Is anything to hard for The Lord?” And Sarah’s response? She denies her behavior, saying “I didn’t laugh.”  Sarah plays dumb. Does she not realize who she is dealing with?  God knows her heart, her desires, her dreams, and her struggle to believe.  I can just see her, wanting to disappear under His gaze, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.  First she doubts and then she denies it…matters of the heart.  But guess what? Sarah and Abraham, at the age of 90 and 100, have a son.  God delivers on His impossible promises.

Human and flawed, I can easily find myself with Sarah, listing all of the reasons that the impossible it just that…impossible. Laughing in disbelief at dreamer’s dreams, afraid to believe it might be possible.  But our God is so much bigger and I think sometimes it is so easy, in the face of our realities, to forget that. It becomes easy to become impatient in the face of waiting on His timing, to take matters into our own hands, to try to fix it.  But I am reminded of some of my very favorite verses…

Moses told the people, (as they faced the impossible situation of the Red Sea on one side and an advancing Egyptian army on the other) “Don’t be afraid.  Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today.  The Lord himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm.” (Exodus 14:13-14)  Stop! Knock it off!  Quit trying to save yourself and do the impossible. Are you going to swim?  Are you going to fight? It will not turn out well for you. God has a plan so get out of the way and let Him work!

God has a plan.  If I can hold on to that certainty – and sit on my hands, my heart will be stilled and quieted in the one item on my list – prayer.  That is a promise…