Tag Archives: trust

A Playlist Mashup – Life and Death

April 21, 2016 RunAndBeStill 6 Comments

“Will you be going to the cemetery?”

“Yes.”

The magnet thumps dully against the metal as the flag declaring our intentions is put on the roof of the car. The sky is a brilliant blue, unfit for grief and I think back to a similar sky on a similar day over a decade ago.

What do you say to the boys who have lost their mother? What do you say to the husband who can’t make sense of how cancer laid claim to a body within a span of days? Not years. Not months. Days.

“I am so sorry…”

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
‘Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always (1)

There will be a day with no more suffering, no more pain, no more fears. Even and especially when we don’t understand Jesus please flood our hurt with your comfort. Peace that passes understanding. The assurance that covers all hurt – not removing it but allowing you to breathe through it and heal in spite of it. And I know it and believe it and have laid claim to it. I pray that they do too because mere words fall hollow on both ears and breaking hearts.

“The doctor will see you now.”

“You’re blood tests look great. So, you know you are in remission…”

I grab hold of these words and hang on as if my lives depends on them, because it does. But for how long? And how will I know when I’m not? And what happens then? Will I have the grace to declare God’s sovereignty over my life? When the fear becomes paralyzing, the unknown too heavy to carry, lay it down…take courage. God is striding ahead. And if that day comes, if the results are different, He promises He will be right there with me.

This has been a week of paradigms of opposition, of declarations of continued health and the sweeping hand of death. It’s been a week where even a diagnosis of remission is terrifying because it isn’t a continued guarantee of anything. Life’s fragility has been at center stage.

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You (2)

“Hey, Mom. My homework is done and the top is still off of the Jeep. Can I go get ice cream before I put it back on?”

The clock says its almost 9:00 on a school night. That brilliant blue sky of the morning has faded and darkened.

“Sure.” Then, running out the door after him, even though I am ready to call it a night, “Wait! I am coming too.”

And with the now night-cooled wind blowing our hair and the heater cranked warming our feet he looks at me and says, “Thanks for coming along.”
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

And in his sincerity, my eyes fill and my heart spills over as God wakes me up to how much life there is to live in every single day. I think about how quickly time is passing us by and how I don’t want to miss a second of it because as I have been reminded there aren’t any guarantees.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long. (3)

Praising and leaning in and holding on for dear life because Oh God, how I need You.

(1)There Will Be A Day, Jeremy Camp (2) Lord, I Need You, Matt Maher (3) Blessed Asurance, Frances Crosby

Encouragement

Walking On Water Or Drowning In It

May 12, 2015 RunAndBeStill Leave a comment

Eight weeks ago two things happened. I ran for the first time in 8 months (and not again since!) and the next day our basement flooded. Three inches of water covered our basement from wall to wall after a spring melt combined with a sump pump failure. We were literally walking on water, watching the carpet (finally laid and finished in November) wave and ripple under our feet in response to our footsteps. Since then we have been hit with wave after wave of frustration, fear, and heartache. I have at times felt like I no sooner get to grab a breath before being broadsided by another wave that leaves me sputtering.

Unexpected car repairs and unfortunate speeding tickets in the wake of the basement flood. Walking with family members through unexpected deaths, broken hips and surgeries, cancer scares snd mysterious illnesses, countless doctors appointments, another minor basement flood when we were hundreds of miles from home, job stresses, kid worries…crashing waves…sputtering breaths.

This is what life looks like sometimes. There are days and weeks sometimes when it’s difficult to tell if you are walking on the water or just simply drowning in it.

I think of Peter and the storm that he and the disciples were in the midst of when he got out of the boat to walk towards Jesus on the water. I am sure he was being pounded by the waves-it was storming! This, the waves and the wind were eventually what caused him to take his eyes off of Jesus and to sink.

It’s where your eyes are focused as the waters pound you that makes all the difference between the walking and the drowning. It’s not the waves themselves. It’s an internal peace running parallel with the turmoil and strife that buoys your spirit. Satan would love nothing more than to pull our eyes off of Christ in the midst of struggles. Satan is the founder of frustration and distraction.

There have been many times over the last weeks when I have been worn down-by frustration, by fear, by the exhaustion of treading water. But I keep coming back to the morning after the flood and a promise that God has made. We were exhausted and still facing a mountain of ruined, sopping wet carpet and padding and accumulated basement stuff that had to be hauled up and out and I had this one thought-God works all things-even basement floods-for good. I don’t know what the good is going to look like in any of the pounding waves that we will face.

It’s been eight weeks…and while the waters have begun to calm I am still waiting on the good from the flood. I am looking for the rainbow and the olive branch. In the meantime we’ve been living like hoarders with all of the basement stuff packed into the dining room and music rooms, paths running through each room, and a towering pile of it in my garage. Here is the bottom line, I do know that this is more about the process than the product. This is about the refining of gold, the structuring of faith. This is about the building of trust when nothing makes sense and everyday seems like a fight.

God uses it all…even flooded basements.

(And to all of my email recipients, He even uses the random deleted text that shows back up when you publish it!)

Encouragement

Still Moments – Glowsticks

February 15, 2014 RunAndBeStill 2 Comments

To build in darkness does require faith. But one day the light returns and you discover you have become a fortress; you may even find yourself, sought by others as a beacon in their dark. ~Olga Rosmanith

God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NLT)

Being broken hurts but be encouraged that your pain does have a purpose! You may find yourself shining one day very soon.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. (1 Peter 5:10 NIV)

Encouragement, Hannah's Story

Tiny But Mighty – An update on Hannah

February 4, 2014 RunAndBeStill 3 Comments

“Though she is small, she is but fierce.” Shakespeare

This is what it looks like when your heart is no longer your own. This is what it looks like when you hold your baby according to a schedule, not according to her cries. This is a picture of lives consumed with the beeps, wires, and medical jargon of life’s Plan B. Each of us has our own path to walk, and while it may be rocky and terrifying at times, most of us will never know the anguish and helplessness that Hannah’s parents have lived for the last two months. Nor will we ever experience the depth of peace and comfort that has been poured out from Heaven to fill and cover that fear and anxiety. There is one other thing that they have experienced in the days since Hannah’s birth, the power in prayer. This tiny little miracle, this sweet little baby, now two months old, is doing great work for the Lord.

Yes, it has been 2 months since Hannah Kay, our little tiger, graced this world with her presence at only 26 weeks into her momma, my sister-in-law’s pregnancy. (Read We interrupt this Christmas celebration for part 1 of this heart-tugging story) Two months… 1488 hours…89,280 minutes and every single one of the seconds that make up that time, this little family has been uplifted and supported by an invisible scaffolding of prayer. Prayers offered up by you and I. Prayers offered up by complete strangers. Prayers that have changed and affected the lives, of not only Hannah and our family, but the lives of those who have prayed for Hannah as well. On behalf of the family, let me say how grateful we are for every single prayer offered up on our behalf. Your response has been humbling. This is what your prayers look like…

In those same two months there have been middle of the night calls from the hospital that have produced bleary eyed mornings. There have been tears of fear, joy, and exhaustion. There have been moments when they thought their hearts would absolutely break. They have been doing the dance of two steps forward and one step back, all the while pulled ever closer towards God’s promise of rest and protection. There are days when They are discovering exactly what it is to be held by God.

“From the depths of despair, O Lord, I call for your help. Hear my cry, O Lord. Pay attention to my prayer.” (Ps 130:1)

The Lord has heard, and he has answered. On Monday, Hannah took one big step towards coming home as she was moved from NICU to the step-down unit. Born at 2 lbs 6 oz and 12 in long, Hannah is now 5 lbs 12 oz and 18″ long. She is taking bottles three times day and receives the remainder of her feedings though an NG tube. She’s on a low flow nasal cannula, on the lowest setting (0.1) Hannah loves her binky, and has a dimple the nurses (and her aunt) adore. Hannah has captured the heart of everyone who she has come in contact with. Hannah has a very special place in my heart. She is, in a way, a beautiful answer to so many of my “what ifs.” (Read My story)

A beautiful story, inspiring faith. But we cannot tell it without acknowledging what lies beyond a frosting of good news and answered prayers. Acknowledging, instead of ignoring, what’s found just below the surface, where heartache resides and reality nags. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. A phone call, a knock on the door, a doctor’s report, a life altering event that changes a life in uncountable, unimaginable ways. This is what I have come to call “the valley.” Deep, dark, and dreadful. But in the mess, in the heartache, in the realizing that we cannot save ourselves from the despair that clings to our heels, this is ultimately where we finally find Jesus…

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You .
(Matt Maher, Lord, I Need You)

Are you in a valley? You are not alone, so do not be afraid and cling to the grace of God, find your inner “Hannah-tiger” and be assured you can make it through.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. (Psalms 23:4 NLT)

Encouragement

Praising in the hallway

November 16, 2013 RunAndBeStill 2 Comments

“Until God opens the next door. Praise Him in the hallway.”
I love this! I want to make this my anthem – praising in the hallway! A beautiful picture of praising God while we are waiting. Praising God before He answers. Praising God in spite of our circumstances, in spite of how we feel.
In reading the blog Spiritual Inspiration I came across this. “Remember, a sacrifice of praise is when it costs you something, when you don’t necessarily feel like doing it. Praise Him, not because of how you feel, but because He is worthy!” Francis Chan says this, “The point is not to completely understand God but to worship Him. Let the very fact that you cannot know Him fully lead you to praise Him for His infiniteness and grandeur.” Rick Warren, in his book “What On Earth Am I Here For?” says this, “Don’t be troubled by trouble. Circumstances cannot change the character of God. God’s grace is still in full force; he is still for you, even when you don’t feel it. When you feel abandoned by God yet continue to trust Him in spite of your feelings, you worship Him in the deepest way.”

Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise His holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord, may I never forget the good things He does for me. (Psalms 103:1-2)

We need to learn how to praise the Lord in our darkest hour. Praise Him, even when we don’t understand, even when we don’t feel like it. We need to praise Him, not because of what He can do for us, but because of what He is to us. And I promise if you can do that, He will lift you out of the darkness. Your circumstances may not change, you may find yourself standing in the hallway for a really long time. But, if you praise Him while you are there, with a genuine spirit of worship, your heart will be changed!

Lord, I lift my hands up to praise to you this morning. I take my hands off every problem, every situation and circumstance that I am trying to fix on my own. Lord Jesus, I cast all of my burdens on you. Open my eyes to see that you know what is best for me. Strengthen my faith to take you at your word. Rise within me that I may boldly declare your truth. Cast out fear, remove all doubt, block unbelief and cause an unwavering trust to be stirred within me. Lord, change me. Amen

Encouragement

This thing is from Me.

September 12, 2013 RunAndBeStill Leave a comment

I was recently reminded of this letter which I had originally read in David Jeremiah’s book, “A Bend in the Road.” There was a portion of it that spoke to me so deeply and personally that I wanted to share it in its entirety. I hope that as you read it and process it you will begin to grasp and accept that whatever it is you are going through, God has a purpose in it and through it…

My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your soul and use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head.

THIS THING IS FROM ME

Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you, concerns me, too? For “anyone who harms you harms my most precious possession.” Zechariah 2:8. “You are very precious in My sight.” Isaiah 43:4. Therefore, it is My special delight to educate you. I would have you learn when temptations assail you, and the “enemy comes in like a flood” that this thing is from Me, that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you.

Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never consult your taste, who put you in the background? This thing is from Me. I am the God of circumstances. “Thou earnest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee.” Have you not asked to be made humble? See, then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught; your surroundings and companions are only working out My will.

Are you in money difficulties? Is it hard to make both ends meet? This thing is from Me, for I am your purse-bearer, and would have you draw from, and depend upon Me. My supplies are limitless. Philippians 4:19. 1 would have you prove My promises. Let it not be said of you, “But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord, your God.” Deuteronomy 1:32.

Are you passing through a night of sorrow? This thing is from Me. I am the “Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” I have let earthly comforters fail you, that by turning to Me you may obtain everlasting consolation. 11 Thessalonians 2:16-17,

Has some friend disappointed you? Was it one to whom you poured out your heart? This thing is from Me. I have allowed this disappointment to come that you may learn that: The best friend to have is Jesus, He will hear you when you call, He will keep you lest you fall. The best friend to have is Jesus. I want to be your confidant. Has someone repeated things about you that are untrue? Leave them to Me, and draw closer. unto Me, thy shelter, out of reach of “the strife of tongues.” For “He will make your incense radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shin like the noonday sun.” Psalm 37:6.

Have your plans been all upset? Are you bowed down and weary? This thing is from Me. You made your plans, then came asking Me to bless them, but I would have you let Me plan for you and then I take the responsibility, for “You’re going to wear yourself out – and the people too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself.” Exodus 18:18. You are only an instrument, not an agent.

Have you longed to do some great work for Me, and instead been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness? This thing is from Me. I could not get your attention in your busy days, and I want to teach you some of My deeper lessons. “They also serve who only stand and wait.” Some of My greatest workers are those shut out from active service, that they may learn to wield the weapon of all-prayer.

Are you suddenly called upon to occupy a difficult and responsible position? Launch out on Me – I am trusting you with the “possession of difficulties,” and “the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do.” Deuteronomy 15;10.

So, please today, hold on! God has a sovereign plan and He loves you! Nothing takes Him by surprise. Read When the Last Thing You Need is a Band-Aid Verse or Once Upon A Time for some additional encouragement today!

A Challenge

Troubled Waters, Part B

August 4, 2013 RunAndBeStill 3 Comments

“So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus.” (Matthew 14:29)

PETER GOT OUT OF THE BOAT! Yesterday (Troubled Waters, Part A) we looked at how Jesus rescued Peter from drowning after Peter took his eyes off of Jesus during his walk across the water. But how did Peter get there in the first place. Did he fall overboard? Was he pushed? Peter choose to get out of the boat.

“PETER GOT OUT OF THE BOAT!” I can see the chaotic scene in my head, hear the disciples screaming for Peter as the storm rages around their boat. It is 3am and they are exhausted from fighting against the wind and waves for hours. Then they look out into the storm and can add terror to their list of ailments as they think they see a ghost, because who, or what, could be walking across the water towards them in the middle of the night in the middle of a storm?! It is an impossibility! Then, Peter, realizing that it is Jesus, gathers his robes around him and steps over the edge of the safety of the boat (what little it was providing at the time) and jumps right into the wind stirred waters. They had to be looking at him like he was crazy! What was he thinking?! Was he suicidal? Not in the least. Peter was going to where Jesus was, in the middle of the storm. Peter was following what Jesus had commanded him to do.

Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus said, “Come.” (Matthew 14:28-29)

The disciples had no control over the weather that night and they were fearing for their lives. In the same vain, we don’t get to choose our circumstances. No matter how hard we may try to manipulate things there will be days when we are huddled in our boats riding out the storm. When we find ourselves there we have two choices. We can choose to be like Peter, follow the Lord’s command and “come” which means stepping out of the boat right into the middle of the storm or we can take the safe route and huddle in the boat like the rest of the disciples. God wants us to choose Him. He can’t make us get out of the boat, but He is there among the thunder and lightning and driving rain bidding you to “come on in.” Jesus saved all of them that night, but in the process Peter sought out Jesus and was the only one who got to walk on the water.

Some will say that Peter failed because as he “saw the wind” he began to sink. But it was Peter’s willingness to risk failure that helped him to grow. His faith and trust in Jesus and His power and promises grew exponentially that night as Peter had an intimate, personal encounter with Jesus right in the middle of the storm. Theodore Roosevelt says “It’s not the critic who counts;” (the disciples sitting in the boat saying “Is he nuts?”) “not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.” (“Peter sank, if I would have gone out there I would have kept my eyes on Jesus and run over there to him in half the time.”) “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of great achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”

Ignore your critics. Making the choice to follow Jesus out where the sea is high and you lose your footing is a hard and scary choice. It goes against every fiber of your being but it’s where Jesus is and he has commanded us to “Come.” So I will go, out into the crashing waves, out into the deep to meet Jesus. If that means trying and failing, at least I have failed while trying.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
-Oceans (Where Feet May Fail,) Hillsong United

Uncategorized

It’s A Bird. It’s A Plane

July 15, 2013 RunAndBeStill 1 Comment

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fly? Not in a plane, or on an amusement park ride but fly like superman. I think that would be one of the most amazing experiences ever! The freedom, the exhilaration of soaring above the trees, the view from the air! But I have to confess I am terrified of heights. It isn’t so much being up high
that scares me it’s the idea of falling. So if I ever wanted to fly I would have to let go of that fear of falling. I can promise you I will probably never know the experience of skydiving because I don’t know that I would ever be able to get past the door of the plane, let alone the free fall at the beginning. Isn’t that what holds so many of us back, fear? A fear of falling, a fear of failing? What if you didn’t have to be afraid? What if you could let go? I will never be able to fly if my feet stayed planted on terra firma. If I want to know what it is to fly, I will have to let go, I will have to jump.

I am only truly beginning to understand what the cost of being a true disciple of Christ is. This is where you begin to move from one in a crowd of nameless faces to someone who stands out, stands up, and says “Hey wait, there has to be more than this!” It is where you begin to move from what can God do for me to what can I do for God.

I love how Joni Ericson Tada relays this idea…
“God extends His hand and offers you life abundant and joy unspeakable, for here and eternity. But do you ever wonder how much it could cost? The answer is short, simple, and painful. “It will cost you everything,” God replies.

To understand life abundant, joy unspeakable, you have to be ready and willing to lay everything, everything, down and walk away. You have to be ready to stand on the edge of a cliff and jump, with no Plan B. This is where it is so easy to get tripped up. I am a sucker for Plan B. Plan B represents safety but another way of saying that is that Plan B is your failure plan. It is where you say, okay God Plan A is yours, but just in case you let me fall, I have my back-up parachute packed. How easy does it then become to pull the emergency cord as soon as we jump. We never get to experience the freedom of flying because we react to the fear of falling. I love how Woody puts it in Toy Story when he is talking to Buzz Lightyear (for those who are familiar) “that’s not flying, that’s falling, with style.” I, for one, am tired of living this way. Tired of hedging my bets, tired of looking over my shoulder, tired of living afraid to fall even if it is with style.

Joni goes on to say, “Most of us trifle with the cost of Christianity. We slap our sins on the table and, for the price of Somebody Else’s blood, happily walk away with an asbestos-lined soul and a title deed to heaven. With “eternity” taken care of, we get back to living life as usual, offering the obligatory gestures to God on Sundays and holidays.”

Will that work? It’s definitely not Plan A. Jesus said, “Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:38-39)

We are creatures of habit, creatures of comfort, and that too easily becomes the driver of our daily lives. I have begun to understand that I need to get over the idea that Christ died for me so that I could live comfortably, allowing Him into my life on Sunday during church or when I find myself in need. We need to understand that we cannot live however we want day to day, knowing that we have our insurance policy of salvation covering us when we die. We will never know life abundant and joy unspeakable if this is the route we choose.

God has a great plan for all of us and I am pretty sure it doesn’t involve the view from inside the plane, the comfort of the couch, or the safety of the sidelines.

Do you want to fly? I do! So, no more being afraid of failing, for greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. If God is for us who can be against us?

If you want to fly, first you have to jump! I think its time.