Have you ever really stopped to think about all of the near misses that we are protected from? Pulling out of a parking spot and narrowly missing a car that you did not see. Running late and pulling up on the scene of an accident that’s just happened. Both of these are things that we are aware of missing. But have you ever thought about the things that you don’t know you’ve avoided? We don’t typically give a whole lot of thought space to the “things that could’ve happened but didn’t. “

Just recently some pieces from my past fit together and made me realize how lucky both my son and I are to be alive.

In the two years since my Takayasu’s arteritus (TA) diagnosis I have had countless doctors appointments and each time I learn a little bit more about the disease, treatment, side effects, etc. In a recent appointment I learned that one of the trickier elements to manage in a patient with TA is blood pressure during pregnancy. A lightbulb went off.

Almost fifteen years ago when our son was born, the doctor that delivered him (not my regular doctor) said “Yep, he looks like a high blood pressure baby.” I had no idea what she was talking about other than she had just called my beautiful first child scrawny and gangly. (He was but that was beside the point. There was nothing plump or chubby on this 6lb 3oz baby.) Plus the fact that (to my knowledge) I had never had high blood pressure.

Here’s why the doctor said it…my chart indicated possible preeclampsia, a potentially fatal pregnancy condition. They had thrown that word around at one point but I had never been treated for it because while I had all of the other symptoms including vision loss (then attributed to migraines) and excessive weight gain and swelling (I was put on a low sodium diet) I never had the key indicator, high blood pressure. That was until the day I delivered my son, two weeks early. High blood pressure was the reason they induced delivery and also the reason, just hours after he was born they wanted to take him from me and place me on a magnesium sulfate drip.

I could never figure out why he would have been a “high blood pressure baby” though until this recent conversation. My normal left arm reading is 60-70/40. (Yes, I should be dead according to those numbers.) So a “normal” blood pressure reading for me, because of the TA, is at least 50 points high. So take what is considered normal, add 50 points to it, (170+ possibly at times) and that’s what my blood pressure was as I carried out my pregnancy complete with vision loss and edema which first showed up very early on. I was a essentially a ticking time bomb and we were blissfully unaware.

How long have I had TA? No one can say for sure but I would be willing to bet it has been at least 15 years. In that time, God protected me, and during that pregnancy, He protected my son, without us having any idea what we were up against. Until now…

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won’t forget,
All the plans He’s made for me
I have to wait and see,
He’s not finished with me yet.
-Wait and See, Brandon Heath

 

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ NLT)

There will be days in our lives where we will have to see this promised good veiled through death and disease, and hurt and struggle. It is in these days where my faith has had the opportunity to grow. There will also be days where we don’t necessarily see the good because it is veiled in the ordinary. But it is there all the same. Stack a couple bad days up and you will realize what a true gift the ordinary is.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a promise. God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Sometimes, we are blessed with a peek into how wide and vast his mercy and protection are in carrying out this promise. But many times we have absolutely no idea what we have nearly missed. I can’t think of a better reason to thank God this afternoon.

Today if you’re struggling, if you’re looking for something to be grateful for, here it is. You are still here. God has brought you to this point and it may not have been an easy journey. You may find yourself beat up and bruised but He has a plan. It may seem that His protection has failed. I have been there. My second pregnancy ended in tragedy at 34 weeks and we buried our second son. The question in those moments becomes will you let Him use you, use your struggle for good? Will you let Him use your hurt for someone else’s comfort?

I am here for a purpose, His purpose….He’s not finished with me yet.

Before I go any further, let me say Thank You.  You have chosen to read my words and I cannot express how much that means to me.  There is so much noise vying for our attention and the fact that you are taking the time to allow me some of that space is not lost on me!  I was a bit overcome by that this morning, so thank you, thank you, thank you!

Yesterday was a good day.  I woke up singing the praises of the hours between 6-8 (yes, AM!) because of how productive they have been over the last two weeks.  Football two-a-days have had us rising at 5 am and on the road by 5:30 (my dear husband has been out of town for 7 of the 9 days leaving me the sole taxi driver.) But, they have also brought with them these magical hours of productivity.  (However, don’t ask me to be anything other than semi-comatose after 9 pm.)  Yesterday felt like a gift.  We had the opportunity to spend the afternoon surrounded by family at a double header between the Cleveland Indians and the Arizona Diamondbacks at Progressive Field in Cleveland.  We had “sweet” suite seats, the weather was custom-made for baseball, and we got to cheer on our neighbor in his first ever MLB start as a pitcher.  He has such a feel-good story that we even got our “suite” neighbors on the Andrew Chafin bandwagon, cheering for the away team at a home game!  At some point deep in the 3rd inning of the 1st game my 11 year old daughter looked at me and said, “When is the game going to start?” Oh dear child, we obviously have a lot to learn about baseball. I am not sure what she thought had been going on but we all shared a good laugh.  One of many for the afternoon.  This was our quintessential American summer day. However, with all of the poster-making, jumbo-tron dancing, hot dog eating excitement of yesterday afternoon, it wasn’t until we were on our way home (at 10:30 pm) that I realized I still had two pair of football pants that needed to be washed (spray the Shout, scrub the stains, wash, rinse, repeat if necessary) and more importantly dry by the wee hours of the morning.  Fun has a price.  So, while I waited on the washing machine to do it’s thing, I thought, “You should pack Ty’s lunch.  You will thank yourself in the morning when all you have to do is roll out of bed, grab a coffee, and head out the door.”  I also searched out socks (why does this always seem to be the one missing item?) and had his football bag otherwise packed and ready to go because I knew neither of us would be functional this morning.  And I was right.  And I did thank myself.  On my drive back home from the football field this morning, as the coffee began to work and my brain began to wake up I had a thought. I remembered something I had heard a very long time ago and thought it was a great reminder for all of us.

You have to live ready.

Tomorrow may be a good day or tomorrow may be a nightmare.  Will you be ready?  Is your faith something you are building and strengthening everyday?  Is your relationship with Jesus something you are nurturing?  Or, are these just things that get dusted off, possibly on Sunday, and otherwise left alone only to be unpacked In Case Of Emergency.  Are you waiting for “tomorrow” to explore this Jesus-thing a little bit deeper? If this is where you find yourself, please, wake up! 

When the alarm goes off at 5am after too few hours of sleep, is your bag packed?  Do you have clean matching socks and a lunch or are you scrambling to pull it together? We have to live ready because we don’t know when the crisis alarm is going to go off.  We don’t get a notification in the mail that says, next month you will be diagnosed with a life-altering disease, please plan accordingly.  We don’t receive a call that says, please make sure you have appropriate clothing you will be attending a funeral next week. (Maybe yours?  I am sorry.  That is harsh but it is also reality.)  Ready or not, here it comes, with no warning. 

We have to live ready!  We need to use and strengthen our “faith muscles” every day because if we wait until crisis strikes they will be sluggish and sleepy when we need them most. We will have to dust our faith off and hope that we remember how to work it.  It is so very easy to let our faith and relationship with Jesus rest in hibernation, only to be awakened in crisis. 

This is a slippery slope, and I know because I have been there.  I grew up in a solid Christian home, was involved in church.  We were bringing our children up to love and fear the Lord.  I thought I got it.  Then God let me really have it! Oh, foolish proud heart.  I have realized that I had nothing without Him. I am nothing without Him.

The problem with crisis is that we don’t know when the alarm is going to go off.  When crisis strikes, your brain tends to go into default mode. So what is your default?  You want live ready?  Nurture your relationship with God.  If you don’t have one, start one!  If you don’t know how, ask me, I would love to help you figure this out.  Dig into His Word for nourishment, spend time in prayer, communicating with our Father.  Listen for His voice instead of just talking at Him. I don’t have all the answers.  There is not an Easy 5 Step Plan For Readiness but we can stumble and bumble through this together. There are some things you will never be ready for but with faith you can survive them with hope for a better day ahead.  The point is, don’t wait.

I can remember playing Parcheesi with my son and mom, 6 years ago at least.  In the spirit of competition there was a little smack-talk going on and my son looked at my mom and told her, “Pack your bags your going home!”  This my friends, is great advice, pack your bags.  Live ready.  You’ll thank yourself in the morning.