If you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, or anyone who interacts with children you know that sometimes they come up with phrases and they just stick with you. When my kids were probably 6 and 3 we were driving down the road, I can still see each of them strapped into their car seats, my daughter, looking at her hands and talking, jabbering nonsense really, a mile a minute. Her brother looks at her and says, in an irritated, you-don’t-make-any-sense tone, “What?” She looks at him and very coolly says, with an indignant air, “I was talking to myself, Tyler.” And then, turns away from him and says, obviously to herself, “You know what, self?” and continued with whatever fanciful story she was entertaining herself with. My husband and I totally died in the front seat and to this day that phrase lives on in infamy in our house.
Do you talk to yourself? Apparently I do…more than I realized. Today after dashing through the check out line at the grocery store, through the circus of traffic, and hurrying over to the football field to pick up my football superstar (I am his mom, I am allowed this opinion) my volleyball superstar (again, mom, again, my right) pipes up from the back seat, “Mom, you talk to yourself when you get frazzled.” I didn’t realize I had been narrating our drive. At least not consciously…”Let’s see, I will turn here instead of going to the other light that should be faster…nice blinker…ok person-GO! It’s your turn!” Oh that’s embarrassing! I have read where studies show that people who talk to themselves are extremely intelligent. We’ll just leave it at that…
In all seriousness though this is a subject I have been thinking of exploring now for awhile. Not my sanity, although some may say that needs to be placed before a review board and explored, but the idea of talking to myself. Not about where I am going, instead, looking back at where I have been. Today just confirmed it was time.
The frazzled monologue that we carry on with ourselves says a lot about where we have been. Allowing those things that I have written, everything from old journals to the scribblings of a quote or a thought on the back of an envelope or scrap of paper (I am a saver) to remind me of the “places” I have been, to minister to my needs today. I can hold onto the big picture things, the big life event lessons, blessings, struggles. Those are the things that leave a permanent mark. But there is always little stuff that sifts through the cracks like grains of sand and there are so often great nuggets of wisdom that are lost with them. These are the details that get lost, those “ah-ha” moments when something speaks so deeply to you right where you are, so often encouraging and uplifting, they bear remembering and repeating.
So I invite you to take a reflective journey with me as I “talk to myself.” You may choose to look at me like my son looked at my daughter and say, “What?” but I have traveled a rocky path and made it through with my faith intact and my prayer is that as we look back we can be encouraged no matter what we are facing as we look forward, and possibly share a laugh or two at my expense.
You know what, self? I think this will be fun!